LIBERTY - WISH YOU WERE HERE
by Dr. Lindyke and Denise Hudson

Lady Liberty (outgoing phone message):
--------------------------------------------------
"Greetings! You’ve reached Lady Liberty’s Lair. I can’t come to the phone right now, I’m off saving the populace from the dastardly clutches of random evildoers. But if you’ll leave your name, number, and a brief message – I’ll call you back as soon as justice has been restored. Have a SUPER day!”

FIRST VOICEMAIL (spoken)
----------------------------------
“Hello, Liberty. This is your nemesis, Baron von Badass. I'm calling to inform you that I'll be on holiday this month, and I'm taking my minions with me. so if you haven't already made plans, now's the time. Oh, I know you'll miss me, but don't worry... I'll check in from time to time."

LIBERTY
----------
How rude!  But what do I expect??
He always does things his way.
He’s gonna say, what he’s gonna say
So while he’s away, I’ll take some time for me
I'll drink lots of ice tea, take some bubble baths
Maybe work on my tan
read a book or three …
Let my hair down, go out on the town
Maybe eat something fattening
I’ll just clock out for now, take a little home vacation
Cuz who needs him? ... that supervillan of a man,
... that supervillian of a man ...

BARON VON BADASS
(poorly faking a French accent)
(PARIS - bal musette)
---------------
Remember that day in Paris
When we met on the Champs Elysee?
On the Arc de Triomphe, the scorch marks are still visible.
Though later we found them to be inadmissible
When you couldn't quite pin them on me
(ah, but you tried!)
The City of Lights,
Most romantic at night,
Such amazing museums,
You really must see them
But now I must be on my way
Bon jour, have a beautiful day.
 
LIBERTY
----------
I remember our little French scene
I would call you delusional
And yes I feel quite attitudinal
 
cuz it's hot and it's boring
and I wish you were back
don't take it that way i don't miss you, okay?
 
It's just that I'm alphabetizing my spice rack
And I certainly miss kicking your butt
But I scour the news for something to do
finished three crosswords, my toenails are flawless
I'd kill  for a tragedy or two

BARON VON BADASS
PAMPLONA (flamenco)
-------------------
As I ran with the bulls, my machismo was apparent
The streets of Pamplona were streaked with blood and fear
The most exciting thing that I have ever done
I felt that I had wings as I began to run
And now and then, my dear,
I'm wishing you were here
In sultry, sunny Spain
But then again
I'm enjoying my privacy
(if you know what I mean)

LIBERTY
----------
You must be kidding me with that crap, mi amor
You gotta give it a rest, señor
Still I gotta admit I was pretty bored before..
 
Cuz I've been pulling weeds, and doing good deeds
There ain't any kittens in any trees
There's no crime as far as the eye can see
 
But you know ...
There's a new bank down the street
That you'd find kinda interesting
I wonder what you'd do with that kinda thing ... 

BARON VON BADASS 
JAMAICA (reggae)
--------------------------
In the sand, beneath the sun
By the waters, crystal blue
With my Margarite I
Lay 'neath the palms thinking of you
A bikini top lay limp
And empty by my side
Perhaps it will find its owner
Before it's washed out by the tide.
O-M-G this has to be
The finest place I've ever been
In the sunlight you can see
To the bottom of the sea
Take my advice, don't think twice
Try the sugar and the spice
Yes, the beaches here are nice
In Jamaica
Yes, I'm think of you here
In Jamaica

LIBERTY
---------- 
When you’re gone
I enjoy my self in a daze   
I sleep late, I stay in bed and have my cake and eat it too
But when you’re gone I don't know what to do 
There’s too much time
I start to think
There's too much on my mind
I start to justify
I think about the credit crisis
I polish all my doorknobs to a shine
And while my toenails dry
I begin to hatch a plan so when you get back
it won't be as quiet 
as you thought you might find it ... 
 
BARON VON BADASS
NEW ORLEANS (zydeco)
--------------------
[background song]
Down in Louisiana
Down in the Bayou
There lives my baby and my baby's gonna try you
On. My baby's gonna try you on.
Yes, she knows her way around
And she definitely wants to try you on.

[drunken voiceover]
Hello, Liberty?
Liberty! This party is amazing!
Wooo! I'm having the best time EVER!
Look... I might not be back for another week or two
so why don't you just visit some sick orphans or do whatever it is you do for fun, eh? Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.
Got to go... PARTY CALLS! Wooooo!
[abruptly ends as the phone hangs up and dial tone] 
 
LIBERTY
----------
Really.. Really? A drunk dial …    …. whatEVER…..
I don’t care about it you’re a sad sack of a man
So Laissez les Bontemps roulez…
You just have your day of it
Guess what… I’ll get away with it,
I’ll take everything
I  won’t have to pay for it
And while your sticky fingers were in the beignets
Mine were a’planning my triumphant day of debut
Into my world of organized crime
I’ll excel at it too So much better than you
I will take everything, and I will get my way
I got the tricks of the trade
I’ll take everything
This is my lucky day So you just stay away
I’ll take everything
Like a real tiny small ninja I’ll make my escape
I got a tete a tete with the bank
I’ll take everything
 
BARON VON BADASS and LIBERTY
------------------------------------------
Liberty! You've gone too far! You've taken what is mine
The gold is nothing... but my reputation as the King of Crime
This is MY town! This is MY turf! You are NOTHING without me!
If you want to play the villain game, perhaps you should pay the fee!
Will you still love the excitement in a cell of five by ten?
With a regemented schedule... how will you feel then?
And it will be I, BARON VON BADASS, there to save the day
To clap your hands in irons and sequester you away
I will bring you to justice! I will bring you to justice.....!
And if I can place this telephone call
If you can hear my voice at all
If your brain can hold a thought, consider this...
I know where you live.
I know where you live!