LYRICS --------- (nah, nah, etc) I once saw a lassie of beauty so pure That with only one look I was perfectly sure The love of my life could only be her So I purposed to pledge her my troth. I strode right up to her with moves debonair And drank in the fragrance of her lustrous hair She blinded my eyes with her beauty so fair And that's when I opened my mouth: Phthbt. Uhmm. D'umyu cuoum heerofn? She said, Get lost you idiot, there's drool on your face! Just you keep your distance or I'll get my Mace(tm). She left me so fast it looked just like a race And the fragrance was her only trace. Oh! Hi diddle diddle de day... She makes me tongue tied and me mind go away I wish that I could be a man of her sorts But my true love she gives me brain farts (nah, nah, etc) Well, I'm not some loser who settles for no I tracked down the number of her telephone I gave her a ring, heard her dulcet “Hello?” And I opened my mouth and intoned: Phthbt. Msnf wlyu mmmmbe onf um daaate? She said, Hang up, you stalker, now this isn't fun! Don't ever call back or I'll dial 9-1-1 (or 9-9-9 as appropriate) And then with a click my true love was gone And I cursed at my treacherous tongue. Oh! Hi diddle diddle de day... She makes me tongue tied and me mind go away I wish that I could be a man of her sorts But my true love she gives me brain farts (nah, nah, etc) So I went to the gypsy to buy me a draught Of something that wouldna make me sound so daft She gave me a potion called “old Number Nine” For some silver to her hand from mine. I drank the stuff down, felt me confidence grow I felt like a winner from my head to my toe I strode right up to her with moves debonair And said to the lassie so fair: [smooooothly... like Barry White] Hey baby, what's happenin'? She just stood there smiling with drool on her chin And a slack-jawed expression inviting flies in I thought, “She looks stupid; besides, she's too thin! There are much better women to win!” (nah, nah, etc) Now she follows me 'round everywhere that I turn She's been such a nuisance she makes me blood burn She bumbles and sputters and makes such a show That me appetite's starting to go Oh! Hi diddle diddle de day... She acts like a fool and she gets in me way I wish someone would come and haul off this tart 'Cause she's cramping my style... with her brain farts

Lyrics -------- When you get out by yourself The road, it seems too long When the flowers all have died You guess that I'll be gone Don't you know This winter is too cold? Don't you know We'll keep on growing old? Don't you know I'll still be there to hold?